Better Days are Waiting / Happy 2011!

In many ways, 2010 wasn't a particularly good year for me. There were some problems I won't waste time enumerating.

But I'm grateful that this year, I was able to gain a better appreciation of the life I have in Tokyo which I oftentimes complain about, of my family and friends who I admittedly take for granted most of the time, and of myself – my strength, my resilience, my determination – which I oftentimes underestimate.

A Promise Is Enough

I laid in bed looking out my bedroom window, which in a happy coincidence faces north, waiting for the promised meteor shower. I waited and waited, but the only dancing lights I saw were from the shifting shadows of the rustling leaves below. An occasional firefly caught my eye, at times the reflected headlights of a passing car, but still, nothing of the cosmic kind.

Baby Steps to a Comeback

While buying a pair of shoes on impulse and going on a photowalk on a whim are not entirely foreign to me, I'm the type of girl who spends a little bit of Sunday night planning the work week's wardrobe and is willing to waste a good hour or so creating charts and graphs and tables for even the most trivial of things. I utterly despise the expression "bahala na" and have smacked a few on the head for using it. And I have to restrain myself from strangling those who have the audacity to follow it with "si batman".

Home

Despite a draining flight the night before, I woke up on my first day back in the Philippines at 5:30 in the morning feeling refreshed, relaxed, and eager to start my day. I had nothing planned, but I was just so excited to experience being home again. And as though the day was as happy to welcome me back, waking up itself was a pleasant surprise. Birds chirped excitedly as others sang serenely, the fresh cool morning breeze filtered through the window as I opened my eyes to the early morning sunshine. It was an experience long forgotten, and in those first moments of wakefulness, I felt like the kid I was before I left eight years ago.

Eight Years, No Regrets

The timid girl looked around the empty apartment, her grip on her suitcase’s handle tightening as she felt an unfamiliar loneliness. That feeling, a mixture of fear, panic, and a longing for home, made her want to run away and never look back, but where to?

Pancakes! Pasta!

I think the last time I took a decent food photo (and not with my crappy iPhone cam) was way back in July. Been caught up with work and health related issues. Now that I'm part of the non-working class elite (LOL), I have all the time in the world. Sadly, being part of this non-working class elite means I was also forced to pack up all my stuff and crash in my best friend's apartment, leaving me with not much to work with. And although I want to say that these photos are a result of "that should not stop me from working with what I have" inspiration, I'm afraid it was pure boredom that drove me to finally take up the camera once again and work with what I have. Here are some food photos I took in Marvin's tiny (and by tiny, I mean no bigger than 1 sqm) kitchen, using room lights or just natural light.

Pause

Somehow, within the silent spaces between staying and leaving, creep thoughts of missing this place. Filling the pause reserved for words, so that there is really nothing left to say but -

Thank You! 大変お世話になりました！

Booked And Packed

Well, booked, at least.

I'm not nearly done packing just yet.

And it's not out of sheer laziness (although I must admit, it does play a small part), but because it makes the sadness of leaving just a little too real, a little bit too painful. It's sort of like going to the doctor to get an injection - you know it's going to hurt, so you wish for it to be over in a split second or you keep putting it off ("wait wait wait I'm not yet ready!). That's how I feel now. I wish I could just skip the packing and the goodbyes and just be home already. And as my still sane mind is clearly aware that this isn't possible, I keep putting going through the process off for as long as I can.

A friend told me the other day that I shouldn't be scared of leaving especially now with email, instant messaging, FB and whatnot. It's not as if I would just all of a sudden not hear from the people I care about here. And of course, there's my visa - valid until 2013 - so if I really get to miss them that much, I can always come back.

Honestly, it's not the missing that I'm afraid of. It's the forgetting that scares me. It's the possibility that one day I will not matter as much as I'd want to matter to the people I hold close to my heart, and that maybe I had lost the only chance I had of telling them just how special they are to me.

But I guess the only thing I can do is have faith in the bond I think I have with those people. I have to believe that I had made enough of a difference in their lives for them to take a very long time, if not forever, to forget me. And that even in the time spent apart, I would always be with them.

See Beyond Horizons

Perfect weather greeted my new beginning. =)

The Hardest Part of Ending is Starting Again

Linkin Park made me cry today.
Yes, Linkin Park made me cry. Imagine that.

Waiting for the end to come
Wishing I had strength to stand
This is not what I had planned
It’s out of my control
...
Picking up those pieces now where to begin
The hardest part of ending is starting again

Starting to like Linkin Park's new album. It's a different style from what they used to do, but I must admit that it's quite good too. Still, Hybrid Theory was totally different for me. It was love at first sight.

Maze

Sometimes, I feel like a prisoner in a maze of my confused thoughts.

But I like it - every turn I choose to take leads me to a yet uncovered path that leads to sometimes scary, sometimes sad, but oftentimes wonderful discoveries about myself.

(I'm obviously bored, taken from the apartment's hallway.)

2010 Birthday Wish List

My friend Marvin has been bugging me about my birthday wish list for this year, and I've been meaning to make one as I did every year for my birthday, but with everything that has been going on, I can't seem to get in the mood for it. Honestly, if there's one thing I really want and need, it's for these "mysterious" aches and swollen joints to go away. I can't tell you how much I want to go back to a normal routine - to work hard on weekdays, be able to say TGIF!, and to bake/cook/shoot on weekends. I can't even remember the last time I was able to complete a 40-hour work week.

But I guess that's the point of making this wish list. It's one way to keep my mind optimistic that better days will come.

1. Apple iPad 16GB
   Estimated damage: Y 48,800
   
   
   I had initially wanted a Kindle mainly because it will give me something productive to do while waiting in line for physical therapy or on days when I'm stuck in bed, minus the bulk. But I read photography, food styling, and software development books as much as paperbacks so the small screen and black and white display of Kindle probably won't do. I heard that it's not as good handling PDF either. Also considering that at some point I will probably get tired of just reading and would need a device that lets me do more than that, again minus the bulk, so I thought maybe an iPad would be a better choice.
   
   As for the memory size, I don't really download every free app there is and I only plan on storing videos and e-books that I would be watching/reading for a few weeks at a time, so I am quite sure 16GB would be enough in the meantime. Besides, I don't want to be that fool who invests a whole lot of money on a first-gen gadget. (Why am I thinking of buying a first-gen then? Simply because I have a need and a specific use in mind for it NOW) :D



2. Wacom Bamboo Fun Pen & Touch CTH661
   Estimated damage: Y 15,200
   
   
   Primary reason I want this is that I'm hoping that putting less strain on my hands and arms would help ease my back pain a bit. Second reason, I love editing photos (probably frighteningly more than shooting...) and I'm feeling an interest in graphics design so I want to try that with something that would give me much more accuracy than a simple mouse. I've been reading good reviews about Wacom's Bamboo Fun, and it's supposedly a good and relatively inexpensive choice for beginners.



3. Datacolor Spyder3Pro
   Estimated damage: Y 20,000
   
   
   Probably the most important thing in photo editing and design is to make sure you have the color correct. You don't want a beautiful photo that looks perfect on your screen and looks like a haze of bluish crap on print or on someone else's display. I figured it's high time I bought a monitor color calibrator.



4. Canon EF 100mm f/2.8L IS USM
   Estimated damage: Y 94,000
   
   
   This is the most ambitious and expensive I have ever listed to date, BUT I really really want a macro lens! As I've probably mentioned before, there's something very seductive about getting up close to nature (except critters, ugh!) or to a gorgeous plate of food and letting their bare perfectness speak for themselves.
   



5. A Lovely Weekend In Hokkaido, Nikko, or Chiba (Kamogawa)
   
   Or anywhere where there is a great view of the ocean, the lake, or just breathtaking scenery. I think I need to give my mind a break from all that has been going on and just take the time to breathe and relax and to regroup.
   
   I have Unkai Terrace in Hokkaido in mind, for one. The view is just absolutely breathtaking and spectacular that I cannot imagine a better place to just BREATHE.
   
   
   
   

Relationships Matter More

That's what my mother told me the other day.

At first, I was expecting her anger to root for my anger, her indignation to reflect mine. Instead, she asked me to try to understand and see things from the point of view of all the other people I am angry at, all the people I felt sorry for, and all the others that I feel indifferent to. When I do, I would begin to understand that things are not as unfair as my very pissed off self is imagining it to be.

After a while of wrestling with it, I finally conceded and realized that she was right.

"I know you are worried about a lot of things, but first and foremost, take utmost care of your relationships with the people who have been good to you, more than all the material things you are so afraid to lose now."

She told me that she takes more pride in my character than in my resume, in the people I have bonded with than in the places I have been to. Her heart fills up with joy hearing me talk about my friends, my colleagues, and my happy voice describing just how blessed I am regardless of whatever issues I have. She takes more joy from this than if she were to hear that I had successfully renewed a piece of paper telling me where I can stay, that I got a raise, a new job, or a bigger apartment.

"Who cares what you lose, as long as you don't lose the good in you and the people around you."

I came quite close - to losing the good in me to the anger boiling within me - but thankfully, she saved me.

So...

...who cares if I lose everything else, as long as I don't lose all of you. ♥

Light The Darkness

"Who'll light the darkness with his name,
heal this blackout pain."

20 Million, Rivermaya

So You Think You Can Be A Pisay Scholar?

So you think you have what it takes to be a Pisay scholar?
So you think you have what it takes to be counted among the best and the brightest in the country?

Apply now!
Deadline is on August 27, 2010.
The PSHS National Competitive Examination is on November 6, 2010.

"Why do people think Pisay scholars are nerds?"
We are not nerds,
We are not geeks,
We are just gifted.
=p

Burst Of Sunshine!

Funny but I feel so energetic this week. Well, not in the true sense of the word, though. My body still feels tired, but there's this drive to do everything I can with whatever energy I have.

Do You Believe in Soulmates?

I don't believe in soulmates. I believe in best friends, I have one. But soulmates? Not really.

I mean, isn't it too much wishful thinking to believe in that someone with whom you can deeply connect with in ways no other person can? That someone who seems to understand you even without so many words, someone who seems to understand even your silences? That someone who makes you feel enough and complete all on your own, yet makes you realize that life can be so much more wonderful by having each other? That someone to whom you can tell all your secrets, your innermost fears, your craziest ideas, your most ambitious dreams without much hesitation but with much trust instead? That someone who makes you want to hold hands and whisper "I love you" in all the beautiful ways those three words can ever mean.

I don't believe in soulmates. But then I met you.

You are that someone with whom I can deeply connect with in ways no other person can. You are that someone who seems to understand me even without so many words, that someone who seems to understand even my silences. You are that someone who makes me feel more than enough and complete all on my own, yet makes me realize that life can be so much more wonderful by having you in my life. You are that someone to whom I can easily tell all my secrets, my innermost fears, my craziest ideas, my most ambitious dreams without much hesitation but with much trust instead. You are that someone who makes me want to hold your hand and whisper "I love you" in all the beautiful ways those three words can ever mean.

I still don't believe in soulmates, but you know what? I believe in you.


...is what I would say to you if I could disregard reason for just one moment, if I could forget the consequences for one second, if I can convince myself that even just a short history of glances and moments could count for something.

When Things Go Wrong...

I can feel the weight bearing down on me, but as I said, not even Murphy's Law at its best can bring me down.

So right after I came back to work, I now find myself sick with a bad case of cough and sore throat. Haha, I guess this is fate's way of saying, "where do you think you're going, hmm?" Oh and there's nothing quite like the kick of a coughing spell when your back is hurting. Haha...

And I don't know exactly why curiosity killed the cat, but I'm sure curiosity broke my heart. Slapped right across the face with an incontestable unquestionable non-exclusivity clause. The sad (and funny) part is, after years, I should already know the rules by now, but time and again, I just can't seem to play the game.

Oh well, I know I will be fine. My body will heal, and my heart will find a way to deal. Or if I'm lucky, my heart will finally find someone who knows my true worth. =)

Choice

Even though we're now a time zone apart, I still run to my mother when I am in doubt, stressed, or confused. Hearing her voice never fails to make me feel safe.

"Focus on the positive", was what she repeatedly told me. And she told me that if I were not her daughter, if she doesn't love me, and if she was just another ordinary acquaintance then she would probably think the same things that some people around me do. It makes sense. Of course, most people realize these kinds of things right out of kindergarten. But you have to understand, I was raised in an environment where I was so loved, not only by my immediate family, but also by relatives and family friends, that I never really had to worry about the "ugly" things. Only when I came here to Japan to live on my own did I really begin to realize that people do not have an obligation to love you or even be kind to you, no matter how good of a person you are.

I wish my mom was here. We're actually working on that, but the problem is nobody can't seem to find her birth certificate, even at the NSO. My father finds it amusing though and teases my mother non-stop that maybe the joke when she was a kid was true - that my grandfather just found her somewhere. Haha! (The story behind that joke is the fact that my grandfather is pure Chinese, and all my aunts and uncles look Chinese, except for my mother, with her dark skin and all. Hence, the joke.)

I miss home. No other place can make me feel as safe and as loved. I wish I could go back home. But I also wish I could stay here.

Sometimes, people ask me why I choose to stay, even though it would seem to be best if I return home, and when they know that I had been thinking about leaving Japan before. But this is different. If I give up now, it wouldn't feel like it really was my choice; it's more like the situation has forced me to make that choice. And as with all things, this for me is the only important consideration - it has to be MY choice.

That is all I want. Regardless of whether I would still want to stay here after all this is over. Regardless of whether I am still thinking of leaving Japan for good. It has to be my choice at a time when the choice is not dictated by the situation.

REVIEW: 2009 Birthday Wishlist

Except for new pots and pans, I already got the items on my wishlist for last year.
(Images were taken from the Amazon website.)

1. Martha Stewart's Baking Handbook & Martha Stewart's Cooking School

DONE!
Did not get exactly these two, but I bought a couple of cookbooks so I guess this one's good as done.

2. Lowepro camera bag

DONE!
Again, didn't get this particular one, but I got a good enough cam bag.

3. The Digital Photography Book, Volume 3

GOT THIS!

4. Pots and Pans

PENDING.
I think I can make do with the ones I have for now.

5. Richard Poon's Autographed CD

GOT THIS!
According to my friend who works for ABS-CBN, there's an autographed CD waiting for me back home. Yay!

Will post my 2010 Birthday Wishlist a little later. =)

RUN!

Just the right amount of blue in the sky, feathery cotton candy clouds of hope, a skyscraper of realized dreams, an open road to endless possibilities.

Close your eyes, breathe, RUN!

Happiness. ♥

Supplemental Stretches

As I was organizing my physical therapy receipts, I noticed that although I’ve been in therapy for 3 months now, I’ve only actually been to therapy a total of 21 times. That’s just an average of about 1-2 per week, very different from my therapist’s suggestion of 2-3 times per week.

I know being busy with other things is hardly an excuse, especially since in almost all situations health should be the top priority. Besides, how can you continue being busy when you’re not 100% healthy anyway? Another excuse I find myself using is that I’m not well enough to go out. Although valid at times, such as when my ankle is swollen and I can’t walk, as long as I can walk to the train station, not feeling well enough should not be an excuse. So now I promised myself that save for exceptional situations (life-and-death, or I’d-probably-get-fired-if-I-don’t-do-this), I will stick to my M-W-Sat morning therapy schedule.

My therapist also said that keeping the muscles flexible and from becoming too tight is also key to decreasing the pain from the spinal and ankle osteoarthritis, and would help him do his job more effectively - correcting my tilted cervical spine, my lower back scoliosis and tilted pelvis, and realigning my upper and lower leg.

Here are some of the stretches he taught me, demonstrated in these ExpertVillage.com videos.

For the lower back - Rotator Stretch:


For the lower back - Knees to Chest Stretch:


For the lower back - Quad Stretch:


For the lower back - Cobra Stretch:


For the neck and shoulders - Shoulder Stretch:

Banana Blueberry Muffins!

After a few months hiatus from baking, I'm back in business at last!

I was still up this morning at 5AM, so I decided to try baking some easy banana blueberry muffins. I used this Betty Crocker recipe, with a few tweaks in the ingredients. As the readers suggested, I substituted 1/2 cup of the 2 cups flour with oats and added a teaspoon of vanilla. I also added a dash of cinnamon in addition to the nutmeg. For the sugar, I made it a mixture of half white and half brown sugar to give it a more caramel like sweetness.

The muffins turned out perfect! The top was crisp and the inside was moist and fluffy. A perfect breakfast on this easy sunny Sunday morning.

Baked Swordfish

I read here that fish, apart from being a good source of protein while on a weight loss diet, can help relieve osteoarthritis pain. On my grocery run this afternoon, I saw some fresh swordfish fillets at the supermarket earlier, so I thought it would be a great idea to bake them with tomato salsa.

I made a fairly simple salsa of tomatoes, onions, thyme, and the juice of one calamansi. I seasoned the fish with salt and pepper, and wrapped it in aluminum foil together with the salsa. I baked it for around 20 minutes at 170C.

Fast and easy, filling but light on calories!

When I Grow Up

Played a "What do I want to be when I grow up?" game, thinking of other things I could do for a living.

I could...

1) Write for a living - Because I believe owning TWO copies of Strunk and White's The Elements of Style is enough to call myself a "writer".

2) Take photos for a living - Because I believe having a Flickr account and watermarked photos are enough to call myself a "photographer".

3) Cook for a living - Because I believe having an oven and a successful batch of brownies is enough to call myself a "chef".

4) Teach Math for a living - Because I believe the TC7 experience is enough to call myself a "mathematical genius".

5) Be a plain housewife - Because I believe I have just enough aesthetic prowess to trick a rich good-looking businessman into thinking I am trophy wife material.

Haha, the things an idle mind can come up with.

On Life Forcing Me To Slow Down

Sometimes, when I feel myself getting close to sadness, I look around at the beauty just waiting to be rediscovered from the sidelines, and I smile and think to myself, "Slowing down is not all that bad after all."

When life goes wrong, nobody in the world can force you to NOT be sad. Just don't discount the possibility that there are still a multitude of things that can make you smile, even for just a while.

*** Saw these outside the hospital after my PT session yesterday. I miss doing my Project 365. Hmm, thinking of resurrecting that dead project hehe. :)

As Small As A World and As Large As Alone

For whatever we lose (like a you or a me)
it's always ourselves we find in the sea

e.e.cummings

I came here to Japan 7 years ago hoping to find myself; in those 7 years, I have often wondered if I had lost myself along the way instead. "Is this what I should be doing?", "Is there something else that could bring me more happiness, more fulfillment?" are just some of the questions I often find myself asking. There are so many possibilities that I often wonder, is this all I am supposed to be? I became lost, confused, alone.

But in those 7 years, I realize I have also found a certain happiness that only this place can give me. I have found friendship, enduring and true in a place where pretentious is the norm and emotions are fleeting. I have found some of my innermost fears and found the courage to face them, here, on my own, when even I myself didn't think it was possible. I have found a world all my own, a world only I can probably comprehend and appreciate.

So yes, in a way, I had lost myself in the madness of work, in the rush of Tokyo life, in this city of endless possibilities. But in so many wonderful and unexpected ways, I now realize that I have also found myself.


**********
Photo was taken more than 2 years ago in Kamogawa, Chiba.
And the quote is from E.E.Cummings' poem "maggie and milly and molly and may"
I just love his poems!

Straight From The Can!

I noticed I still had several cans of Alaska Pink Salmon so I worked my dinner around that. Made Lemon Dill Yogurt dressing, then sauteed some red spinach with some Feta cheese and pine nuts. Healthy and so delicious! You wouldn't know that the salmon was from a can. Well, except for the fact that it's flaked already haha.

Ueno Zoo

I spent my Sunday afternoon last week strolling around Ueno Zoo, hoping to get some much needed light exercise for my back and to get some shooting practice as well. I arrived there a little late though, around 3PM, so I had very little time to wait for perfect shots and some of the animals like the rhino and giraffe were already being fed in their cages. Fortunately, I was able to at least get a handful of decent, publishable shots.

This is my favorite, it's so calming and relaxing, and you can almost imagine yourself in a cabin by the lake. Love it!

This is another fave. I'd like to believe I captured the emotion of this cute baby elephant well. I spotted him hiding behind what I assumed is his mother, and looking at the children near the fence trying to get photos of him. In this photo, you can almost sense fear and sadness.

You can view more of the photos in my Flickr or my FB account.

A Tinge Of Color

Tried mixing color and monochrome with one of my old photos from my Sapporo trip last year. I thought the photo below would be a good one to try this technique on since with the snow and cloudy weather, the colors were cold and lifeless anyway except for the bright red windows and flag. Converting the photo to black and white then just leaving out a tinge of bright color salvaged this *blech* photo. (Edited using GIMP, no money for Photoshop hahaha!)

Speaking of tinge of color, I am beginning to see some color in my bleak messed up back situation. I think the physical therapy is starting to pay off, and I can see some very very minimal, almost negligible but not quite, improvements. I can now last for several hours without taking meds and last night I was able to sleep for a good 7 hours! Yay! I hope the situation continues to improve.

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I needed to de-stress so badly today, so I tried tinkering with some old photos to see how they would look in black and white. Here are the results. Not bad, huh?

This first photo was taken last month during the Golden Week in Kinshicho Park. After converting it to black and white, I thought it would add to the dramatic effect by adding a sepia feel. I adjusted the color balance and added more yellow and red. I felt it would also benefit a more vintage look, so I added a vignette effect by darkening the borders a bit.

This next photo was taken about a year ago in Odaiba, when a life-size Gundam Robot was on display for Gundam's 30th anniversary. I liked this photo even before, especially how the sun's reflection on the robot's body combined with the angle and framing created some sort of savior effect - exactly what Gundam is portrayed as and is supposed to be. But the colors were so washed out because of the sun and bright sky that I never bothered to publish it. Converting it to black and white somehow salvaged the photo and now I have a photo worth publishing.

PT Japanese 101 and My Pain Journal

One of the most frustrating things about doing physical therapy here in Japan is not being able to fully express what kind of pain I'm experiencing, what I feel when doing a particular exercise or a particular position, and understanding my Japanese therapist's instructions. I am quite confident with my Japanese ability, don't get me wrong, but I don't exactly use most of the terms I encounter at the rehab center in normal daily conversation.

Since I cannot just drop everything here and leave for the Philippines to have my therapy there for God knows how long, I think one of the small adjustments I can do to improve my situation here is to compile a list of terms I encounter during my sessions and try to familiarize myself with them and their English meaning. I also started a pain journal so that I can keep track of the kind of pain I experience, and how the food I eat, the weather, my activities, my job and related stress, and my emotional state affect the level of pain I experience from day to day. Conversely, it would also help keep track of how my pain affects my emotional state and my appetite. I can also use this info to help my therapist and doctor provide better treatment for me.

Here are some of the terms I recall from previous sessions:

Illness:
cervical spondylosis - 頸部脊椎症（けいぶ せきついしょう）
herniated disc - 椎間板ヘニア（ついかんばん）
scoliosis - 脊柱側弯症（せきちゅうそくわんしょう）
osteoarthritis - 変形性関節炎（へんけいせいかんせつえん）
(yeah I have all of those hahaha talk about a messed up spine!)

Pain/sensations:
sharp pain - 鋭い痛み（するどいいたみ）
radiating pain - 放散する痛み（ほうさんするいたみ）
throbbing/pounding pain - ズキズキする痛み（ずきずきするいたみ）
tingling sensation - ヒリヒリする痛み
dull pain - 鈍痛（どんつう）
numbness - しびれ
muscle cramps - 筋けいれん

Body parts:
bone - 骨（ほね）
muscle - 筋肉（きんにく）
spine - 背骨（せぼね）
shoulder blades - 肩甲骨（けんこうこつ）
nape of the neck - 襟首（えりくび）
back of the head - 後頭（こうとう）
abdominal muscles - 腹筋（ふっきん）
upper back - 上背（うわぜい）
lower back - 腰（こし）
hip joint - 股関節（こかんせつ）
temples - こめかみ
chin - 頤（あご）
arm - 腕（うで）
elbow - 肘（ひじ）

PT instructions:
lie face down - うつぶせに寝る
lie on one's back - あおむけに寝る
lie on one's side - 横向きに寝る
bend one's knee - 膝を曲げる
extend one's leg - 脚を伸ばす
put one's weight on ... - ～に体重をかける
stick one's chest out - 胸を張る（むねをはる）
sway from side to side - 左右に揺れる（さゆうにゆれる）
posture - 姿勢（しせい）
spinal traction - 脊椎牽引（せきついけんいん）

Silence

Sometimes, I imagine, if silence were to have form, it would look something like this. The tender curves of a beautifully blooming flower, the soft colors and subtle shadows of its petals as sunlight ever so gently caresses it.

I love silence and I love the solace I find in it.

Distraction

I discovered a very effective, albeit unproductive, distraction when I'm very frustrated with my messed up back and when I can't sleep - scribbling nonsense on my notebook. By the way, for those of you who don't know, my family and childhood friends call me Honey. I once made the mistake of setting my nickname or whatever (I forgot) in Yahoo and in my Softbank mail to "Honey" without thinking too much about it. Imagine my horror and the awkwardness when a few male acquaintances asked me, "Why did your e-mail say 'Honey'?" bwahaha!

I Miss Cooking!

This photo is from the last time I cooked, about a month and a half ago. I was making poached eggs, spinach stir fry, and tomato&mozzarella salad.

My goal is to make at least one savory dish and one dessert this weekend.

Pain Free Diet

Since the doctors here in Japan offer little advice outside their "just what you paid for" diagnosis, I tried doing some research on my own on how I can cope better with my painful condition. Since I'm still adjusting to my physical therapy routine, it's quite difficult to stick to an exercise regimen at this time, so I decided to start first by adopting a more helpful diet.

What to avoid:
dairy products
meat
eggs
alcohol (no more beer! huhuhu...)
citrus fruits (bye bye oranges...)
berries (bye bye strawberries...)
coffee, tea, or anything with caffeine
white rice (hmm, I need to lose weight anyway...)
white flour products
potatoes
tomatoes (大好きだけど。。。)
eggplants

What could help:
oily fish like salmon and tuna
green leafy vegetables
whole grain products
kidney beans
pumpkin, sunflower and sesame seeds
pineapple
papaya
mango
guava

Looking at the last four items on the "good food" list, I'm now thinking that maybe it is indeed better for me to go back to the Philippines. Haha, it's a sign! LOL!

Also, my mother has been telling me for the longest time to try Phiten titanium products. Though I'm still a bit skeptical about these bracelets and such, she swears it helps relieve pain. Oh well, I guess it won't hurt to try.

Exciting Q2&3 for Photography

I mentioned before that I will be doing more photowalks from now on, and as long as my back permits it, I intend to stick to that plan. It would be a great way for me to practice "shooting in the moment" (I think I've gotten too comfortable with food and still photog lately) and it would be great exercise for me as well. I haven't gone to the gym in a long while because of my bad back and these killer headaches I get, but I think I can endure an hour or so of walking with photography as a productive distraction.

But I can't just wander aimlessly, so here's my plan, at least for Q2&3 of this year:

• Ueno Park & Zoo : Will probably go there on the last weekend of May or first weekend of June, while the weather is still cool and not too humid.

• Sumida River : I spend a lot of time in Kinshicho so this would be a convenient place for me to start before I venture into unknown territories haha.

• Minato Mirai in Yokohama : I haven't done a night shoot of Minato Mirai, which I guess is a must for every aspiring photographer (or even just a wannabe, like me) here in Japan.

• Roppongi Hills and Tokyo Midtown : I've been working in Roppongi for over 2 years. I think it's high time I have decent shots of the place.

• Various fireworks festivals around June and August

• Lastly, if I get good (and brave) enough, I might try Harajuku. Scary!
  

Oh, and next weekend, on the 22nd and 23rd, I'll also be doing some shooting for the SFC Japan National Conference. I'm going to be focused mainly on the DIY photo booth, but I will definitely take some photos of the events as well. Here's the layout I came up with for our DIY photo booth. Not as pretty as what you could get from a professional, but it's not that bad either. I'm so excited!!! (#^_^#)

Sunday Bagna Cauda and Other Stuff

I found ready made Bagna Cauda dip in the supermarket last weekend so Marvin and I decided to try it for Sunday lunch. I was ready to prepare the carrots and cucumber when Marvin tells me that he doesn't have a peeler. Sigh, the undomesticated bachelor... Hahaha! I swear I am going to marry someone who loves to cook, or at least pretends to like it haha!

Anyway, without any peeler, I was forced to use the knife, which took forever. It didn't help that an impatient little boy pretending to be a grown man kept popping into the kitchen, trying to steal some of the prepared carrots. Made me realize on Mother's Day how much motherhood is a pain hahaha!

Here's an artsy shot of the final product:

In other news, my physical therapist is such a cutie! I don't normally get crushes on cute guys - looks are the last on my list and I'm usually attracted to guys based on how compatible our thinking patterns and humor are (weird, I know) - so Marvin teased me that finally finally I have a crush on someone who's actually good-looking. He looks like Tsumabuki Satoshi! Anyway, blush moment for today's session:

Sorry but there's something incredibly irresistible about a cute guy holding a big stuffed toy and calling it "Miffy-chan" while smiling at me. PT was extra fun today haha. (#^_^#)

Finally, I'd also like to share one thought about the elections last May 10, which I also shared on my FB:

It looks like a yellow victory. Disappointing but I respect it. And I believe that Gordon has already done us all a tremendous favor by igniting the fire within at least the intelligent minority to wake ourselves up from the crippling apathy that has plagued the country for years. For that at least, I am very thankful - even for just the duration of the campaign, he became the president we so badly needed.

Limit

Warning: this is just a useless rant.

I wonder how long I can keep doing this, working for 7+ hours with this bad back. And as if pain similar to someone drilling back there with a blunt object is not enough, the pain also extends to my arms, legs, hands, feet, and worse, my head. It's hard enough coding and analyzying specs while feeling healthy, imagine doing that with a killer headache.

Sigh. If you think working while feeling slightly under the weather is torture, try that with osteoarthritis, herniated disc, and lumbar scoliosis. And therapy is hard work and not fun at all. Sure, I gush about how cute my PT is, but that's the only happy thing about therapy.

GAAAHHH!!! I'm getting really frustrated! Don't get me wrong - I want to work and I need to work. But it's getting harder and harder each day. There are days when I just want to cry or slap someone haha.

But as they say, mind over matter. I just hope this mind stays sane enough while seeing this through.

Tantanmen Tuesday

I was on my was to Ikebukuro to board the Red Arrow Express for Seibu-chichibu when my back and left foot started hurting really bad. I guess it was from carrying so much stuff (my DSLR, 2 lenses, and a tripod), being so excited for the trip to Hitsujiyama Park, and the anxiety from worrying if my back could endure the 4+ hours travel time. Yappari, I chose to turn back and not push through with the trip. I knew I wouldn't enjoy it that much anyway in that condition. So sad, but that's just the way it has to be.

Anyway, I was still itching to take some photos so I settled for taking shots of my lunch at a Chinese restaurant near Kinshicho Station. Not bad, huh?

Oh, and I finally bought a good quality zoom lens - the Tamron 18-270mm - and so far I am loving it, especially the vibration compensation! Although it's very true that you won't suddenly become a better photographer with just a better lens, it does help a lot in terms of the technicalities.

Kinshicho Park

Before meeting a friend for dinner yesterday, I stopped by Kinshicho Park for a quick stroll to relax and get some good shots for the day as well. I was a bit disappointed that there weren't any other flowers except for some pink ones I don't know the name of. So in the absence of spring blooms, the few people minding their own business there found themselves at the end of my lens instead.

Content with being alone or surrendering to loneliness?
Maybe behind that carefree face are questions like "why can't I have what they have?"

Inner peace. This is what it must be like.

This is my favorite shot in the set, because you can give it the happiest or the saddest meaning. He may be happily waiting for a loved one or he may be lonely and waiting for no one.

You can view the rest of the photos here. Or here, if you and I are connected on Facebook.

Going Back to Asakusa

I couldn't think of any good places to go for a quick photo walk, and since I woke up late anyway, I just decided to revisit Asakusa.

Since Asakusa is one of those places in Tokyo that has been so widely photographed you can just get any photo on the internet and call it your own, I wanted to shoot it from a different perspective, focusing on composition more than anything else. I wanted to shoot interesting photos that would elicit any reaction from the viewers besides, "Oh, that's in Asakusa." within a second of seeing them. I think I succeeded to a very satisfying extent. (^-^)v

Here are some of my shots. You can view more of them here.

If I have to pick 2 of my best and favorite shots in the set, I'd have to say that these make the cut.

For the first one, I like it since it captures some of the essence of Asakusa in a very minimalistic photo - the bright red round edge suggesting the big lanterns at the gates and the sake barrels in the background.

For the second one, I like it because it suggests that even though Asakusa has become a point-shoot-and-run tourist destination, for some, it might still remain a revered place of worship.

Of course, we didn't just go there to take photos; we also went there to enjoy the food in the various stalls lining the pathway to the temple. Clockwise from the top left, Marvin and I tried kibidango (sweet millet cakes), sweet potato ice cream burger (which is nothing more than ice cream sandwiched by thin wafers), and agemanju or fried rice cakes with red bean filling. We thought about trying the octopus, but wimped out in the end.

To end the day, we headed back to Kinshicho and to one of our favorite food stops - Shabu-Shabu at Onyasai! Forgive the underexposed photo, but I kind of like its dramatic effect haha!

First Day Of Spring Break

A colorful first day of Spring Break! v(^-^)v

On my way home after my physical therapy, I took some photos of the beautiful and colorful flowers around Kinshicho station.

It was some sort of impromptu photo walk, since my original plan was to just buy a new lens after PT, stay at a friend's house, and go on a photo walk with him tomorrow instead. But the colors were much too enticing to resist, so armed only with my 50mm - I had second thoughts about buying the zoom lens I wanted and backed out at the last minute - I suddenly found myself shooting away. It's quite difficult to compose shots without the zoom I was so used to, but I was quite happy that I got some good shots with the framing I wanted.

As for the lens I wanted to buy? I am definitely getting that tomorrow morning. It's high time I get a good quality zoom lens. ^_^ Can't wait! Oh, and I also bought a good quality fast CF card finally!

Still deciding on the photo walk destination, though. Any suggestions around Tokyo/Yokohama?