87/365 (2010 Project 365) : Huwag Kang Matakot

Para sa lahat ng taong patuloy na sumusuporta at nagmamahal sa akin sa kabila ng aking mga kabaliwan...

Taken with Apple iPhone

Mahirap man ang buhay, madalas man tayong magkamali, madapa, masaktan...

Halina irog kong munti
Maaga pa lang ay intindihin
Na ang buhay ay hindi panay
Sorbetes, kendi, at taho;
Na may pag-asa ring patay,
At may pangarap ding basyo.
-- Uyayi, Rolando S. Tinio

Ngunit...

Huwag kang matakot
Dahil ang buhay mo'y walang katapusan
Makapangyarihan ang pag-ibig
Na hawak mo sa iyong kamay
Ikaw ang Diyos at hari ng iyong mundo
Matakot sila sa 'yo
-- Huwag Kang Matakot, Eraserheads

Going Back To Flickr

For a few years now, I've had a Flickr Pro account and was quite happy with it. But as I got more interested in photography and my subjects became more varied, I began to dislike one thing in Flickr - the photo stream layout.

Yes, Flickr allows you to create collections and sets, but you're quite restricted to this two-level hierarchy. Also, the photo stream is always organized from the most recent uploaded photo. To some extent, this is fine, since if ever you wanted to share your photos in a more organized, professional manner, you can just give them the link to your collections or sets. But if for example some random user happens to view your photo stream and you've just uploaded a not so good and interesting photo, then that's the first thing he will see and may lose interest.

Which made me try out PBase. PBase allows you to organize your photos into as many galleries and sub-galleries as you want. You can also customize the look and feel of the galleries using CSS. You don't have to do much to get an almost professional looking portfolio.

PBase did satisfy my need for better organization and presentation, but after a while, I realized that aside from this one need, it doesn't really fit in with how I use my photos. There are some essential features I need much more than organization that Flickr just does better.

• JPEG Compression

  Compression sucks in PBase. Just look at the comparison below and see how much detail is lost for a photo's medium size in PBase compared to Flickr. And since I also usually share my photos for some of my artsy, writer mode (read: emo haha) posts here in this blog, I'd certainly want to share a sharper image.

  

• Security

  This is probably not an issue for most people I know, but could be interesting as well. Flickr provides more security for your photos, if you absolutely don't want anyone downloading your photos with the EXIF data. In PBase, you can disable right-clicking so no one can download your photo through this way. But it's quite easy to go to the original photo file, using the format below. I've tried it myself and you can definitely download the original photo complete with the EXIF data this way.

  http://www.pbase.com/(user ID)/image/(photo ID)/original.jpg

  With Flickr, you can easily disable the download feature (the "All Sizes" link), and unless someone knows the ID, server ID, farm ID and secret of the photo he wants to download, there's no easy workaround to downloading the original photo file.

• Back-up

  Since it's safer to upload the original resolution photos with EXIF data to Flickr, you can also use your account as some sort of back-up storage. Even with the download feature disabled, once you sign in, you can easily download the original file.

• Accessibility

  Recently, most of my photos are taken with my iPhone and I'd naturally want to share these photos without having to download the files to my laptop. Flickr has a cool iPhone app that lets me do this. PBase doesn't.

• Exposure

  It's obvious that photos get much more exposure in Flickr than in PBase. You can add share your photos in forums, add them to Flickr groups, enter them in Flickr group games and contests. Flickr also seems to have a bigger user base than PBase, from the non-artistic to professional photographers.

It is for these reasons that I decided to go back to Flickr. I'd still keep my PBase account until I properly reorganize my Flickr account or until I get around to creating my own website (which is a loooooong way from now hahaha).

I Missed One!

This was bound to happen sooner or later.

Ugh.

I missed Day 85 of my 2010 Project 365... (-_-)
So here's my Day 85...
I just used some old oil pastel I almost forgot I had for the blood splatter.
Too bad it's not so convincing hahaha. It looks more like a paw print from afar. :D

Selfish Sorry

Reflecting on recent events, I realized one important thing - sometimes, saying sorry is a selfish way of imposing your need for forgiveness to someone who may still not be ready to give it. It's also a dirty way of letting yourself escape an oftentimes well-deserved guilt even before you've learned from it.

iPhone Photo Fun

I'm busy with other things lately so I really haven't had time to just take photos. This 3-day weekend though, I made it a point to just take as many interesting photos as I can, even with just my iPhone cam.


Lazy Sunday

Just watching Gurunai and enjoying a lazy Sunday afternoon.

Know When To Stop, Look, and Listen

Breathe. Life doesn't have to turn into a "let's get this done and over with" game. Know when to run, when to slow down, and when to stop.

Hanami! Sakura!

The fun starts this week!

Beneath This Smile

Beneath this smile is a deep sadness, a loneliness, I can never let you see.

Fave Live Performances

I love watching videos of good live performances much more than listening to CD release versions. You can get a sense of how much emotions the singer lets himself give in singing, and there's nothing I hate more than a singer who's himself not sold on what's coming out of his mouth, no matter how good his songs are or how much his CDs sell.

Here are some of my fave live performances by two of my favorite artists. Nakakawala ng stress! ^_^

Caruso - Lara Fabian

Probably my favorite rendition of one of the greatest love songs ever written, a song about the great Enrico Caruso's last days.



Josh Groban - Remember When It Rained

Josh Groban, amazing as always. Loved that he also played the piano for this performance. And I also must say, great performance by the drummer as well!



Lara Fabian and Josh Groban - For Always

Lara and Josh were perfect in this duet, and you'd get what I mean if you've watched the movie A.I. (Steven Spielberg, 2001). Josh looks so young and innocent here and their performance reminds me of the mother and child love portrayed in the movie A.I. Even the way they held hands was just prefect - really looked like they were mother and son, no offense to Lara Fabian. :)

73/365 (2010 Project 365) : Finding Love Among the Ruins of a Romance That Was Never Meant To Be

For the longest time, I was too afraid to face the shattered remains of our hearts that held a romance that never quite bloomed into the beauty we had hoped it would be. But when I finally did, I was surprised in the most wonderful way to find a love more compelling, a friendship more intimate, a passion more powerful than romance's own promise.

For Day 67 - 72 Project 365 photos, click here.

The Baby Is Now A Lady =)

Yesterday was my little sister's 22nd birthday. Aww, she's not so little now anymore. (ToT)


When I was trying to recall how old she actually is now, I can hardly believe she's already in her early 20s! I think in my mind she's still the sweet teenager I left back home when I first came here to Japan. She's growing up too fast and I missed almost half of it. Haaay... Now I understand how my father feels whenever I act all grown up and he still treats me like a 6-year old kid.

Although I wasn't there for most of her early adult life, I am quite sure she is doing just fine and she has turned into a lovely lady worthy of every ounce of respect and admiration I can possibly give to anyone. She makes me so proud to be her sister; no amount of medals and recognitions can possibly show how so much proud I am of her and what she had accomplished and what she had become. Aside from our mother, in my heart and in my mind, no other woman can ever equal the greatness of her presence in my life. I love her so much.

Happy happy 22nd birthday Tawixie! It makes me happy, proud, nostalgic, sentimental, thankful to see that the baby...


...is now a lady...

Finally!

I went back to St. Luke's last Friday to get the results of my MRI film's re-scanning and I think they finally found what's been causing my headaches and upper body pain. They call it Degenerative Cervical Spondylosis - a form of osteoarthritis. I won't attempt to explain it here, since even if I do, I'm just going to rephrase what's already on a million other websites anyway, so here's a link to a good one.

Haha, it's a bit of a shock to know that my spine's not in very good shape, but at least we finally found the cause and it's not something that's going to kill me in a few months. I must have looked silly to the doctor, and my manager even found it weird, but I'm just so relieved and happy that I'm not going to just drop dead from all these headaches in the near future.

I'm still worried though, and believe me, the pain can really be terrible - there are days when even just lying in bed doesn't ease the pain and I just barely manage to drag myself to work - so I've been doing some research and coming up with things to help make things better.

• Lose weight through a healthier diet

  I've always had a pretty healthy diet - I don't even know of anybody who loves vegetables more than me - that is, if you ignore my sweets snacking binges. That has always been my problem. All the greasy rich junk food like burgers, steaks, fries, pizza or what not I can live without, but it seems I cannot really get through a day without chocolates or anything really sweet. So from today, I promise to limit myself to 100 grams of sweets per week and nothing more. Wish me luck!

• Exercise more

  Even though my weight can easily disprove this little known fact, I actually love exercise! I also love playing sports like basketball, badminton, and for a time, tennis, even though I'm not too good. I even love doing weights, although now, Marvin warns me not to do much weight training anymore since I sort of developed the muscles in my arms and legs too much already (for a woman not trying to show off her defined muscles anyway), and he says I already have the grip and the arm strength of a man bwahaha! Anyway, I haven't been doing much exercise in the past 2 years because of work, hobbies, and some other excuse, but I promise to go to the gym at least on weekends not only to lose weight but to hopefully strengthen my muscles to prevent further damage to my spine or to at least slow down the degeneration.

• Take more supplements

  My mother has been advising me to take calcium and vitamins, but I always seem to forget to buy those supplements or when I do remember to get those, I always seem to forget to take them! From now on, I'll find a way to work taking calcium and vitamins into my daily routine.

• Get more rest

  It's already 1:00 in the morning and I'm still awake and in front of my laptop. Obviously, I'm not a fan of sleep (recurrent episodes of sleep paralysis may be one of the reasons, but that's another story hehehe...), and my body's taking the hit. I think I really should try to get more sleep or at least rest my body for at least 8 hours everyday. Of course, with work and my de-stressing hobbies after work, that's easier said than done. But I promise to at least try.

• Make adjustments at work

  I've already made a request to my manager to let me come in to work at 10 AM instead of 9 so I can avoid the very stressful rush hour and so I can at least find a seat in the less crowded trains, and I'm really grateful that he said that it wouldn't be a problem. I also promised myself that I'll always try to go home at 6:30 PM and that my maximum overtime is just until 8 PM. I'm just a little worried about what my teammates would think - Marvin said the coming in at 10 AM thing might be bordering on special treatment - but at this point, I'd rather not give a f*ck about what they might say and instead focus on what would be good for my body. Besides, I can always get another job, but I only get one body, right?
  

• Buy stuff to help my back

  I'm planning to buy keyboard wrist rests and mouse pad rests for the office and here at home. I might also get an ergonomic keyboard and mouse and also a backrest for the office but I'm just a bit worried that it might attract attention. Hmm, still thinking about this one. And since I'm planning to move to a new place anyway, I might also invest in a better bed and mattress as well.

• See a physical therapist!

  Nothing beats seeing a professional to make sure I am indeed doing things right.

Random Chance At Truth

I never believed in horoscopes or signs or such kind of nonsense, but sometimes, by pure random chance, you get a glimpse of the truth. Like this result of an online personality test, forwarded by an acquaintance and which I took only because I was bored while waiting for the spin cycle on the washing machine to finish so I can finally go to sleep.

Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful & practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expects the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you, realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over if that trust is ever broken.

Hmm, not sure about the clever, gifted, or talented part (bwahaha) but the rest seems pretty accurate.

Plans! Plans! Plans!

I called my parents today to assure them that I already went to a doctor and I'm taking care of my health. I know I had been selfish the past few months, thinking that I don't really care if I drop dead at any moment. But I owe it to my parents to take care of my health, I just can't imagine the terrible pain they would have to go through if something should happen to me.

Anyway, our discussion suddenly turned into a "dream all you can" discussion of plans. It was fun, and it's heartwarming to hear my parents be genuinely happy and supportive of my crazy dreams and plans.

Let me share with you some of these crazy plans that my crazy mind is cooking up:

• Marvin and I really want to open a Filipino restaurant here in Tokyo. We even already have a name for it! I know we still have a long way to go, and this may not even become a reality, but we want to at least try. And although it would surely involve hard work, it would also be fun!

• I also want to open some kind of restaurant in the Philippines. I'm still in the process of conceptualizing it, but I am really sure that I would want that someday. And I'm still torn as to whether it would be on the sweet or savory side or both.

• I saw a high school batchmate's photos of his new house in Nuvali, Laguna and I was sold! I just knew it would be the perfect retirement home for my parents. The surroundings are very refreshing and relaxing just like Tagaytay. I also like the amenities - bird sanctuary, a lake, a water bus among others.

  I'm still paying for my house in Antipolo, so I'd like to finish that one first before I get another one. But I also want my parents to be able to move as soon as they can from our home for the past 20+ years that's always getting flooded in recent years. Hmm, so I'm thinking of having the payment scheme for my house restructured so that I can pay the remaining balance in cash. Which means I will be surviving on 300 yen bento meals for the next ++ months hahaha! But I just know that it will be soooo worth it. And I am still hoping that the drainage system in the subdivision of our old house will be fixed someday; It has all our history and I don't want to just abandon it or even sell it to someone else.
  

So for these crazy dreams, from today, I promise to save as much yen as I can. No more shopping sprees, impulsive buying, and even just getting unnecessary small things like a 400 yen cup of Starbucks coffee when I can get one for 30 yen in the office. And I'm also thinking of taking more generic photos so I can sell them online. And also of writing more general consumption, properly researched articles and put up some more blogs and take advantage of Google Adsense. I wanted to be a writer before anyway so here's my chance hahaha!

Project 365 : Day 63 and Day 64

63/365 : Hyper

I've been doing a lot of coding and non-coding work lately and I love it! Sure, I go home every night tired and with my usual headaches and back pain, but the feeling from having accomplished a lot that day is quite an extraordinary high. And I think even though my brain is quite tired, it's also stimulated and motivated enough to think it can do so much more. I think that's why I'm drawn to the color Red these past few days. Or it could just be a manifestation of stress and frustration haha! But I want to focus on the positive (it might lessen my headaches) so I'm choosing to believe my first suspicion hehehe...

64/365 : With a Loving Heart and Caring Hands

I found this interesting and moving sculpture in front of St. Luke's Hospital in Tsukiji when I visited for a consult yesterday. It made me think that it is not enough to have a loving heart - you have to express it through your hands, through actions. I have all this love for my friends, my family, even for the people I work with but I sometimes find it very difficult to express them through what I do. Words are easy - I can express them more freely because although you can feel the depth of emotions in words, there's still a certain kind of detachment with them. And in most cases with written words, it is never real time, so I don't get this feeling of having to expose myself bare naked to the other person. But I guess I have to try to be more loving not only in my mind and in my heart, but in the things I do for the ones I love.

61/365 (2010 Project 365) : Suspended Animation

Caught between stop and go.