While buying a pair of shoes on impulse and going on a photowalk on a whim are not entirely foreign to me, I'm the type of girl who spends a little bit of Sunday night planning the work week's wardrobe and is willing to waste a good hour or so creating charts and graphs and tables for even the most trivial of things. I utterly despise the expression "bahala na" and have smacked a few on the head for using it. And I have to restrain myself from strangling those who have the audacity to follow it with "si batman".
So imagine how nerve-wracking this "vacation" has been - day after day of uncertainty that, at times, when I feel especially dramatic, seem to choke every ounce of motivation and enthusiasm from me. We still don't know for certain, as in in black and white certain, what has been causing my aches and pain, I don't have a job and I have no idea how long it will take for me to get one, I don't even know if the planned return date to Japan will even stick. The only thing I know is that things will eventually work themselves out and that I have a lot more to be thankful for to easily tip the scales to "fortunate". Still, "eventually" is too vague for comfort.
Health-wise, in a way, I am doing better. The orthopedic surgeon we consulted agreed with the osteoarthritis and scoliosis diagnosis of my Japanese doctor, but he said that it is not significant or remarkable enough to have been causing the pain I've been experiencing. I was referred to a rheumatologist on a hunch that it might be Rheumatoid Arthritis or some thyroid problem. Physical examination strongly suggests RA, but we're still waiting on some blood test results for confirmation, which should be out next week. And FINALLY, my rheumatologist was able to tell me what's wrong with my perennially swollen left knee - it's bursitis and can be treated with a steroid shot. I'm deathly scared of needles and it could be more expensive, so we opted to try two weeks of oral medication first.
I still get backaches and pain in my legs, and waking up is somewhat similar to how Wile E. Coyote must feel under an anvil, but not as much as when I was in Japan. It might be because I have a better bed here, the weather is more or less consistent, and that I don't move around as much. Not doing desk work for hours everyday and standing for an hour or so in jam-packed trains surely help. I walk everyday at a manageable pace and rest properly after, so I guess that also helps loosen muscles which unfortunately have succumbed to the dark side of a software developer's sedentary lifestyle. I'm also hoping to lose weight, not just for the prospect of a Forever21 shopping spree, but to lessen the load on my knees and hip as well.
Emotionally, I'm also better, or getting there, at least. I'm still a bit bitter with how some things played out, but I'm starting to finally be at peace with the circumstances. Besides, one good thing that came out of the whole brouhaha is that now I know exactly where I stand, especially with those thought to be friends who turned out to be not and with rumor-mongering pathological liars (EHEM!!!). I'm also thankful that my disability allowance for the second half of September and October was approved! Got the confirmation last week. I'm especially grateful to the HR dept for making it possible.
I spend my days now reading through years of backlog; I brought home most of my books. I try to resist the urge to buy every available Kindle e-book just because I have a thing for new books; I have been quite successful so far, save for the occasional Why The Hell Did I Buy This Again? Oh, Because Everybody Else Did. I also try to do some coding, not because I crave the nerdiness, but thoughts of long awkward silences in the face of "Can you name three design patterns?" and "What is the difference between an abstract class and an interface?" are motivation enough. I try to steer clear of the couch, the bed, and the AVIs, though Friday Night Lights, The Good Wife, and Brothers and Sisters are musts.
So that's it for my updates, not that anyone cares, haha. I may be stuck in a temporary setback, but the allure of a comeback is too tempting for me to give up. ^_^
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