Missing Telebabad Times

Yesterday, while browsing through Paul's 2010 wish list, I noticed that he changed the photo strip on his blog. Expecting the photo of us together to have been scratched off the list, I was surprised that not only am I still included in those who made the "cut", but he even updated our photo.

It made me happy that he still considers me a trusted friend, but it also made me guilty. I have been too busy with my life here in Tokyo that it seems I have completely forgotten him. He still checks up on me once in a while and never fails to call me on Christmas or New Year, but you can say that it seems I have unintentionally abandoned all efforts to keep the friendship going.

But I still do care and I miss him constantly. I still remember and even long for our telebabad phone conversations that would last for hours even though we had just seen each other in school earlier that day. We talk about everything and anything. We keep each other's secrets, we are each other's shock absorbers. We laugh about everything and everyone (haha!). We even make fun of each other in the most brutal way bwahahaha!. And most of the time, our jokes would make others think, "and that is funny because...???" But we understand each other well, we know each other well. There was even a time I suspected he could read my mind hahaha. We get each other in ways no one else could.

I wish we could go back to that time again. In the meantime, I just have to make do with old photos, short YM messages, surprising phone calls, and such. Speaking of photos, I couldn't stop laughing at his photo with a coaster that says, "I'm honest about my weight, but I've started lying about my height." Ehem, Paul, haven't you always lied about your height?!? But don't worry, height (and the amount of hair you have left, if there's still any, I haven't seen you in a while...peace!) doesn't matter. Bwahahahaha! XD

59/365 (2010 Project 365) : Finding Our Four-Leaf Clover

幸せ見つけた！

I remember the lazy days spent lying side by side, dreaming of finding our own four-leaf clover. And being the loving best friend that you are, no matter how much it might break your own heart, I am sure you will be happy for me when I finally do. I want you to know that I will try my best to feel the same way.

If it does come down to goodbye, as we'll soon find out, together or apart, we will be just fine. If we have the chance to become the best versions of ourselves somewhere else, then we both must understand that neither of us has the right to make the other stay. And in the same way, neither of us has the right to let the other make the decision for us. And besides, goodbye doesn't stand a chance against us. Wherever we both are, even thousands of miles apart, we will always have each other.

Waiting for the day when one of us will come home, heart racing with happiness, "幸せ見つけた！"

58/365 (2010 Project 365) : True Love Waits

I was thinking of a title for this photo when I remembered something written on a friend's shirt - "True Love Waits" and thought to myself that could work.

One of these days, I'm going to buy a macro lens. I don't know how to clearly explain it, but there's something about finding meaning in the patterns and colors of close-up shots; there's something so seductive about making sense of something bordering on abstract.

Congratulations Anna Tinio!!! :D

I love you so much! You make me proud to be your big sister! And proud to share the same name with you, ANNA patricia TINIO! ^_^

And congratulations on your new coder job in a bank (yay we have sort of like the same job hahaha!) and for being chosen to present your paper in Davao. I'm so proud!

52/365 (2010 Project 365) : Happiness In A Forkful

I had a full tray of eggs that were about to go bad in a week, so I decided to make my very first Brazo de Mercedes - a custard filled meringue roll cake. It's not too difficult to make. In fact it is so easy to make, you can make this a fun activity with your kids or friends. The custard is just basically milk, sugar, and butter reduced to a very heavy consistency and mixed with egg yolks. If you're feeling lazy, you could just even use canned condensed milk. The meringue is also very easy to make - just beat egg whites, sugar, and cream of tartar until the mixture forms stiff peaks.

What's difficult is executing it properly - you have to make sure that the meringue is spread evenly on the pan so that it cooks evenly and you get that nice brown color evenly all over. If you're not using canned condensed milk and actually making your own, you also have to make sure the milk doesn't get that burnt taste and the filling doesn't curdle.

And for my very first try, I'm afraid I didn't execute it as well as I had hoped. First, I was in too much of in a hurry (or excited about my "project" haha) to make sure the meringue mixture was evenly distributed on the pan. I didn't even use an angled icing spatula. As a result, I didn't get that nice even brown color. It didn't help that I also dropped the pan when I took it out of the oven - the meringue inflated (it would deflate as it cools) and I had a hard time taking it out. After some struggle, what I got was a slightly deformed meringue and a nice burn scar on my right arm. Nice! I also chose to make my own condensed milk, but I think I got lazy stirring in the end so the custard was not as smooth as I would have liked. And that explains why I didn't spend time taking a decent photo of it.

Oh well, I'll perfect it next time, I always make it a point that I do (the only thing holding me back is "10 eggs just for one dessert!?!? crazy!"). It turned out delicious anyway. I love it! Yum yum! Happiness in a forkful! (^_^)

Project 365 Backlog (Day 45 to Day 51)

45/365 : VDay

Despite a non-existent lovelife, I still got chocolates this Valentine's Day from my best friend Marvin. Yay, thanks Flippy! (#^_^#)

46/365 : Carefree Dance

These orange leaves caught my eye as they seem to be dancing despite the rain and the cold. They seem so happy, so carefree amidst the gloomy weather. Let's strive to be like these leaves, always finding a reason to celebrate, a reason to be happy, a reason to be here, a reason to JUST BE.

47/365 : All About Perspective

After a very busy and tiring day, my mind went blank on my way to the train platform and was mesmerized by the escalator steps. It is quite clear that the escalator was going down, but if you stare at it long enough and tell yourself that it's going up, your eyes will actually begin to make your mind believe that it is. As they say, it's all about perspective - how you see things and how you believe things really are. A good thing? Yes, but sometimes it leads us to rationalize situations that are hurting us into things that "can't be helped", "necessary", or "just the way it is". There are even times when we get so good at rationalizing a certain situation that we think it is actually helping us and it is actually good. SNAP OUT OF IT!

48/365 : Ice Castles

Ice Castles often come to mind whenever I pass by this artwork in Tokyo Midtown. And walking home that particular day, I thought how people can sometimes be like ice castles. It may look so strong and grand - a fortress impenetrable by hurt, by pain, by grief. But what we don't know is how fragile it actually is, the slightest tremor can shatter it into a million pieces.

I may look strong, unaffected, happy, but understand that my heart is at capacity - one more hurt and it may shatter into nothingness, shatter into something incapable of holding another's again.

49/365 : A Sign of Something Good

Lorelai in Gilmore Girls believed that snow is a sign of good things. Took her word for it. Went to the office happily enjoying the snowfall. ^_^

50/365 : Your Slightest Look Will Easily Unclose Me

I am a quiet, reserved person by nature, but there are certain people that I feel so comfortable with that I find myself opening up to them without hesitation. This, and the photo below, kind of reminds me of another e.e. cummings fave.

somewhere i have never traveled, gladly beyond
any experience,your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look will easily unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully,mysteriously)her first rose

or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully ,suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;
nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility:whose texture
compels me with the color of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens;only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands



51/365 : No Harmony By Chance

A wonderful melody, a perfect harmony are not created by chance. They are a product of adjusting our strings to each other's differences, of helping others overcome their weaknesses with our strengths and at the same time letting others shine with their strengths.

The Blossoming of Maximo Oliveros

I had been wanting to see "Ang Pagdadalaga ni Maximo Oliveros (The Blossoming of Maximo Oliveros" but I only got a copy of the movie now. I loved it! I was crying for most of the time. Sorry though, I won't attempt to give some sort of film review here - always hated those.

Here's the trailer with English subtitles. If you do have find the time (and a copy) I highly recommend it.



And here's the beautiful song that was used in the movie:

A Week Before Her 60th...

It's a week before my mother celebrates her 60th birthday. I so wish I could celebrate it with her... Next year, I'll make sure that I get to throw her the most memorable and most special birthday celebration ever.

Hmmm, so sad... (T_T)

Valentine's Day with Great Filipino Love Songs

Since college days, these 3 are the best songs for Valentine's day. No matter how I'm feeling that particular Valentine's day - happily in love, sad&heartbroken, or just plain indifferent - I absolutely must listen to these songs. Some sort of personal ritual I guess? Haha, or maybe because South Border and Side-A always used to hold V Day concerts back home. Hmm.

South Border's Kahit Kailan is an absolute V Day favorite! Too bad, this was used as a song for a not so wholesome movie (forgot the title), or I think it was, and it kind of ruined the magic for me a little. Haha, anyway, I particularly love, just LOVE, the part of the smooth transition from Luke's singing to the sax bit. Wow, still gets me every time. Here's a great video of them performing it live. (Sorry, the video cannot be embedded.)

Side-A's Forevermore is another absolute fave! If only it hasn't become so overused (I can still remember the height of the Kristine-Echo love team, ugh), I'd consider including this song in my wedding, if I ever get to have one, hehehe...



And of course, when you talk about great Filipino love songs, you cannot forget Ric Segreto. I actually love Give Me A Chance more than his more popular Don't Know What To Say.

Making Things Right

Promises to make things right.

• I will try my best to never again speak ill of anyone, even if they shamelessly do this to me, and no matter how disappointed I am in them.

• I will be a better friend to all the people I care about. I will not hesitate out of fear to show how much I care. If some misinterpret it as something other that genuine affection, then that's their problem.

• I will focus my spare energy and time in finding a better 9 to 6 situation where I can be more useful and where I will hopefully be better appreciated.

• I will get over you for real and for good, but without forgetting that there was a time that I deeply and faithfully loved you. Like the analogy a colleague made at lunch today, avoid getting yourself hit by the same hammer over and over again.

• I will accomplish above mentioned promise without diverting my feelings to some clueless guy. Been there, done that. I will not make this mistake again. A string of flings can make you forget, but can never heal, a broken heart. I will admit though, that I'm sort of starting to really like this one guy but I am fully aware that this is completely one-sided and I am content to leave it at that. In other words, I have to remember - it's just a phase, it's just a crush.

Leave Tonight or Live and Die This Way

That line from Fast Car never fails to get me thinking, "should I stay or should I go?" And I'm as torn as I was years ago. I could never make up my mind.

The thing is, my mind knows that I probably should leave, that I have a better chance of being happy and content somewhere else - be it in another country, in another company, in another part of Japan. But my heart, well, it never quite learned the concept of leaving people behind, of letting things go. I'm always more than willing to give people and situations one more chance. I always seem to end up thinking that maybe if I try harder, things will someday get better; if I try harder, I will someday find a very good reason to stay longer.

But no matter how confused I am now, I should make a decision soon. My visa is expiring this October, and my contract at work is up (again) in June. There's one thing I'm sure of though - I am so tired of having to reevaluate my plans every 6 months. I need something more stable and I know I'm not going to get that where I am now anytime soon.

Marvin and I are also working on an idea for a business, but that's not going to materialize anytime soon. I'm also considering going to culinary school and taking up some photography and design courses. But of course, I can do that even while working.

So many choices, so many decisions to make. I'm so thankful nonetheless - some people aren't even given a choice. Despite all the confusion, I'm still quite blessed.

Midweek Stress Release

Yes, I'm full of contradictions, even in my type of music, hahaha.
I like listening to these when I'm stressed. They sort of have a calming effect on me for some reason.

33/365 (2010 Project 365) : Leading Lines

Somehow today's photo makes me think of Math. Dunno why. My brain's fried. I'm typing random words, random thoughts. Hm. I'm tired.

Why is it so easy to pretend to care but so difficult to pretend NOT to care? Feigning love is easy; indifference, difficult.

32/365 (2010 Project 365) : First Snow

We are often like the car, speeding past every day that we fail to notice the simple surprises that manage to break through the chaos of our busy lives. From time to time, it's good to be like the tree, to be still enough to appreciate the beauty of all that nature has allowed us to discover at that special moment.