As Small As A World and As Large As Alone

For whatever we lose (like a you or a me)
it's always ourselves we find in the sea

e.e.cummings

I came here to Japan 7 years ago hoping to find myself; in those 7 years, I have often wondered if I had lost myself along the way instead. "Is this what I should be doing?", "Is there something else that could bring me more happiness, more fulfillment?" are just some of the questions I often find myself asking. There are so many possibilities that I often wonder, is this all I am supposed to be? I became lost, confused, alone.

But in those 7 years, I realize I have also found a certain happiness that only this place can give me. I have found friendship, enduring and true in a place where pretentious is the norm and emotions are fleeting. I have found some of my innermost fears and found the courage to face them, here, on my own, when even I myself didn't think it was possible. I have found a world all my own, a world only I can probably comprehend and appreciate.

So yes, in a way, I had lost myself in the madness of work, in the rush of Tokyo life, in this city of endless possibilities. But in so many wonderful and unexpected ways, I now realize that I have also found myself.


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Photo was taken more than 2 years ago in Kamogawa, Chiba.
And the quote is from E.E.Cummings' poem "maggie and milly and molly and may"
I just love his poems!

Straight From The Can!

I noticed I still had several cans of Alaska Pink Salmon so I worked my dinner around that. Made Lemon Dill Yogurt dressing, then sauteed some red spinach with some Feta cheese and pine nuts. Healthy and so delicious! You wouldn't know that the salmon was from a can. Well, except for the fact that it's flaked already haha.

Ueno Zoo

I spent my Sunday afternoon last week strolling around Ueno Zoo, hoping to get some much needed light exercise for my back and to get some shooting practice as well. I arrived there a little late though, around 3PM, so I had very little time to wait for perfect shots and some of the animals like the rhino and giraffe were already being fed in their cages. Fortunately, I was able to at least get a handful of decent, publishable shots.

This is my favorite, it's so calming and relaxing, and you can almost imagine yourself in a cabin by the lake. Love it!

This is another fave. I'd like to believe I captured the emotion of this cute baby elephant well. I spotted him hiding behind what I assumed is his mother, and looking at the children near the fence trying to get photos of him. In this photo, you can almost sense fear and sadness.

You can view more of the photos in my Flickr or my FB account.

A Tinge Of Color

Tried mixing color and monochrome with one of my old photos from my Sapporo trip last year. I thought the photo below would be a good one to try this technique on since with the snow and cloudy weather, the colors were cold and lifeless anyway except for the bright red windows and flag. Converting the photo to black and white then just leaving out a tinge of bright color salvaged this *blech* photo. (Edited using GIMP, no money for Photoshop hahaha!)

Speaking of tinge of color, I am beginning to see some color in my bleak messed up back situation. I think the physical therapy is starting to pay off, and I can see some very very minimal, almost negligible but not quite, improvements. I can now last for several hours without taking meds and last night I was able to sleep for a good 7 hours! Yay! I hope the situation continues to improve.

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I needed to de-stress so badly today, so I tried tinkering with some old photos to see how they would look in black and white. Here are the results. Not bad, huh?

This first photo was taken last month during the Golden Week in Kinshicho Park. After converting it to black and white, I thought it would add to the dramatic effect by adding a sepia feel. I adjusted the color balance and added more yellow and red. I felt it would also benefit a more vintage look, so I added a vignette effect by darkening the borders a bit.

This next photo was taken about a year ago in Odaiba, when a life-size Gundam Robot was on display for Gundam's 30th anniversary. I liked this photo even before, especially how the sun's reflection on the robot's body combined with the angle and framing created some sort of savior effect - exactly what Gundam is portrayed as and is supposed to be. But the colors were so washed out because of the sun and bright sky that I never bothered to publish it. Converting it to black and white somehow salvaged the photo and now I have a photo worth publishing.