31/365 (2010 Project 365) : Writing Off Regret

A few years ago, when Marvin and I were still together and during one of our biggest fights, I did something I could never take back, something I will regret for the rest of my life. I took out all the letters, lots of letters, that we had written to each other over the years - full of emotions and memories, for writing is my way of expressing these emotions and treasuring these memories - and just destroyed them. One by one, I tore each page, until all that's left are shreds of a past I was so willing to forget then.

Now that Marvin and I have become very good friends - best friends even - and now that we are starting to become at peace with what had been, how I wish we still had those letters. Joy, grief, hurt, love - it would have been nice to get to open each one of them when we're at the end of our lives and remember that for a time we shared something extraordinary.

But I realize that it's not too late, I can still make up for it. From today, I will start writing letters again. And not like the letters I've been writing in recent years - distant, always with carefully chosen words, apprehensive, hints of emotions but always holding back - but letters in the way I've always written in the past - honest, transparent, and with all the appreciation for all the emotions that I am feeling at that moment. We'll laugh at letters I'd write of good happy memories, we'll lean on each other's shoulders and maybe cry a little about letters I'd write of painful sad memories. And every time, we'd hold hands and say "We didn't do such a lousy job of being together, after all."

And now, 6 days before we would be celebrating our 6th year if we were still together, 6 days before we celebrate 6 years of something wonderful that has evolved into an extraordinary friendship, let me start this project by saying:

Even though circumstances have asked us to move on, and the future has offered us both a chance at a much greater love, at a much happier life apart, let me just say that I will always love you. I will never know how to forget you. You will always be special.